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Facing Fears: January – Staying Put

The last few weeks have been filled with a lot of change and uncertainty, really unnerving for a person like me.  I tend to do well with change except when it comes in the form of making big life decisions, oh what a fear it is!  So crippling that, it truly stops me from making decisions.  My brain gets filled with the “what ifs” of the world and doesn’t seem to stop there.  “What if” those two words will be a hindrance the rest of my life? What if I’ll never be the person I dream to be because I allow such thoughts to fill my head?  What if I’m so neurotic about major change that I’ll never conquer my fears?  Those two short words can turn my world upside down, and not in a good way.

Without realizing it, I have faced a fear this month.  Small as it may be, it is was still a fear and I made the decision completely on my own.  After over 100 resumes sent out into the work force, a handful or so interviews, and a few rejections; I have committed to work for my brother through 2013 in our hometown.  What a decision to make! (For me at least).  Honestly, the job is good, pay is decent and the perks are even better.  I’ll live at home with my parents, save money, learn something new and develop some other interests and hobbies at the same time.  As the girl who was always trying to escape the grips of this city, I never thought I would end up back here and for such a long period of time. By the end of my contract, I’ll have been living at home for a year and a half.  I don’t mind it now however, it’s not somewhere I see myself for the rest of my life.  But I have to pat myself on the back; I made this decision, in the face of fear and on my own – something that is typically hard for me to do.

So there it is, my January fear…FACED!   It’s no plane jump, wrestle with sharks or move across the country but it is a big deal to me.  There are still some hidden reservations about my decisions but, I know in the long run, it will probably be very gratifying.  Upwards and onwards we go into February.

 

What fear did you face this month?

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